Man, your many forms
Dr. Mithun Kherde
Research Scholar, Tata Institute of Social Sciences.
You are father, brother, son, friend / buddy / companion, lover, husband, son-in-law, maternal uncle, paternal uncle, nephew, grandson, etc.
You are a hardworking farmer, brick-kiln laborer, soldier, rickshaw driver, dentist, engineer, student, research scholar, etc.
You run the family by working day and night, you educate daughters and sons.
You give countless, unmentioned, undiscussed sacrifices quietly and naturally.
You silently endure the decline from physical labor, mental stress, and social stigma,
Quietly and naturally you are called so.
If you cry you are called weak, if you fight you are called cruel, if you cannot father a child you are called impotent.
Pain and suffering also surround you; in love and marriage too you are deceived.
The threat of suicide, harassment, domestic violence, external violence, sexual exploitation, economic exploitation, and daily harassment also hovers over your head.
Yet in this country, from the governance system, a Ministry for Men’s Development is missing.
From the administrative system, men’s grievance redressal centers are missing.
From universities and research institutions, men’s research centers are missing.
From the justice system, a law to protect men from domestic violence is missing.
What an era of looters, legal fraud, and one-sided news media is going on.
Has society and the justice system become blind?
Why are they unable to see how laws related to rape, molestation, dowry, domestic violence, divorce, maintenance, and child custody are being misused?
[1] Thousands of men have become helpless and are being forced toward suicide.
Their families, which include many women—mothers, sisters, aunts, etc.—are also being dragged into these false cases without reason.
Along with men, the lives of the women in their homes are also being ruined.
[2] The mentality of some women is becoming such that during domestic disputes they claim: “I am educated, I am capable, I can earn more than my husband, I do not need my husband’s wealth or money.”
But as soon as the matter reaches the judiciary, they immediately take the plea of being a woman and historically weak and oppressed, saying: “I am helpless, I am not capable, I cannot work, I cannot earn, I am suffering from hunger and thirst, I need my husband’s income and the savings of his family and elderly parents.”
Many women even become aggressive toward their husbands and mothers-in-law physically, and later themselves take false support of dowry harassment laws to prove themselves helpless.
When a daughter-in-law beats the mother-in-law with a stick, or throws her to the floor, or gets the husband beaten by relatives or friends, or even killed, then on whose head will these atrocities be blamed—patriarchy or matriarchy?
[3], [4] The tendency of some women has become such that they feel no hesitation in ruining the lives of a man and many women in his family.
Some one-sided feminist organizations and media contribute greatly in encouraging this, promoting one-sided thinking in male-female relations.
Do we not know these facts?
Has society become insensitive to a father’s pain?
Why is our society unable to feel the pain a father feels when he is separated from his child for a few pieces of paper under the cover of law?
Nowadays it is also happening that some women, either upon becoming pregnant or shortly before or after childbirth, after a dispute with the husband’s family, leave for their parental home.
From there they file false dowry harassment or domestic violence accusations against the husband and his family.
Such incidents are increasing and show many similarities.
The question to think about is: by separating a father from his unborn or born child, what do such women gain?
A few pieces of paper and a small share of land.
But will society not call such families and women shameless, false, and deceitful?
Many such cases have occurred, yet in many cases judges still consider a woman to be a more natural caregiver.
[8], [9], [10], [11], [12], [13]
Constitutional rights belong to both, but is there equality before administration and judiciary for both?
Some respected Indian women work hard to earn their livelihood, whereas some others misuse laws to extract money from men by filing false domestic violence and dowry harassment cases and falsely defaming in-laws.
Some parents have made up their minds for such a disgusting deal of their daughter, as if instead of giving her in marriage they are arranging a sitting-at-home income and fraud.
To provide justice to genuinely victimized women, many women complaint centers/women police stations have been opened across the country under the Domestic Violence Act.
These centers are run by private/NGOs, police, and government protection officers.
They are meant to resolve family matters and other forms of exploitation against women through counseling.
However, even here the situation is such that most complaints are found false and baseless.
[14] According to some people, women complaint centers often function to forcibly extract money from the male side.
Even if men agree during counseling, ultimately action is taken according to the woman’s statement, and if you do not agree, they do not hesitate to file an FIR.
This shows that some women do not miss taking wrong advantage of these governance efforts.
The Supreme Court has also taken note of such baseless allegations and misuse of laws and termed it “legal terrorism.”
[15], [16], [17], [18], [19]
On the contrary, for men there are no men’s complaint centers or men’s police stations available to protect them from such legal terrorism.
Due to the absence of any grievance redressal path, many harassed husbands are forced to go to women’s police stations/complaint centers to register complaints.
[20]
Those who did not teach their daughters to earn through hard work,
Such parents are strongly spreading a web of lies and deceit.
Therefore it is necessary that the government formed this time should not remain limited to “Save the Daughter, Educate the Daughter,” but should also teach daughters to earn through their own effort and support elderly parents and in-laws.
So that daughters do not conspire to take legal crutches of false dowry or domestic violence cases, become self-reliant, and do not ruin the future of their husband, other women in the husband’s house, themselves, and their children.
Social education institutions, governance, administration, and media must accept this challenge.
Certainly those men who have committed atrocities against women should receive strict punishment, but why should those women and their families who file false allegations and attempt to destroy a man’s life, dignity, and finances not receive strict punishment?
If one studies legal provisions, it is clear that in male-female disputes there are more provisions for bargaining than for justice.
Whether rape, dowry harassment, molestation, or domestic violence, the justice system often appears more focused on settlements between parties, mostly revolving around money.
[21], [22], [23], [24], [25], [26]
We must think whether, while measuring equality and inequality in marriage and family through money, we have moved so far in the wrong direction that we may end up declaring human relations, marriage, and family illegal concepts.
What kind of thinking are our hearts and minds being trained for?
[27]
By trampling on a husband’s body and mind, some cruel wives today only want to make the husband’s wealth their own.
Oh water! Oh the economy of a wife!
Wife’s thinking: take control over the husband’s and his parents’ savings and property.
Fear in the husband’s mother’s mind: that her son and life savings may slip away.
This is becoming a struggle between two women.
Many such examples are found across all societies, castes, and religions in India.
Many times these tactics of controlling property and efforts to protect wealth go beyond the home and become issues involving crime, police, law and order, governance, judiciary, social and political intervention.
Oh reality. Oh society. Oh world.
Therefore neither patriarchy nor matriarchy, neither misogyny nor misandry, but the need is for the kind of egalitarian humanist society envisioned by Mahatma Jyotirao Phule, Savitribai Phule, Dr. Ambedkar, and Ramabai Ambedkar.
Otherwise the danger is not only to men or women but to humanism itself.
And to save the country and the world from this danger, in our society—often labeled patriarchal—discussion, dialogue, and research on:
“The impact of social media on men’s (also) freedom of expression and communication and gender equality”
. False rape plaints raise concern over misuse of law
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/ahmedabad/false-rape-plaints-raise-concernover-misuse-of-law/articleshow/66626880.cms
- Delhi businessman records suicide video, accuses in-laws of torturing him
https://www.indiatvnews.com/news/india-delhi-businessman-commits-suicide-recordsvideo-accuses-in-laws-of-torturing-him-482526 - बहू ने सास को फर्श पर पटका, टांग की हड्डी टूटी, केस दर्ज https://m.jagran.
com/lite/haryana/kaithal-mother-in-law-were-beaten-up-severely-hosptalised-caselodged-by-18671209.html?_twitter_impression=true - Woman kills hubby, nabbed https://timesofindia. indiatimes.com
/woman-kills-hubby-nabbed/articleshow/66790607.cms
/city/lucknow - MeToo movement: Kate Sharma withdraws sexual harassment case she filed
against Subhash Ghai
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/hindi/bollywood/news/metoomovement-kate-sharma-withdraws-sexual-harassment-case-she-filed-against-subhashghai/articleshow/66780366.cms - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUR74WY2EdE
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v10FYAuvRfE
- PRESS RELEASE: Separated fathers cry foul, threaten to sit for hunger strike if
- demands not met https://www.saveindianfamily.org/press-release-separated-fatherscry-foul-threaten-to-sit-for-hunger-strike-if-demands-not-met/
- १. तलाक के केस में बच्चों के लिए होगी अब जॉइन्ट कस्टडी। https://aajtak.intoday.in/story
- 10.
- 11.
- 12.
- /law-panel-for-joint-custody-of-kids-in-divorce-1-813662.html
- बेटा गंवाया, बहू छोड के चली गयी, पोती को भी ले गयी, मुआवजे का पैसा भी ले गयी……अब
- मै क्या खाऊ, कैसे जीवनयापन करु https://www.amarujala.com/chandigarh/amritsartrain-accident-dead-ravana-dalbir-singh-mother-swarn-kaur-emotional-story
- ENOUGH IS ENOUGH- The Injustice that is our Child Support System https://
- www.sbnewspaper.com/2015/09/03/enough-is-enough-the-injustice-that-is-our-childsupport-system/
- Military Child Custody: Widespread Injustice For Fathers Rights
- https://dadsdivorce.com/articles/military-child-custody-widespread-injustice-forfathers-rights/
- Dads’ rights: the rise of firms for fathers going through divorce https://www.
theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/oct/15/fathers-rights-divorce-lawyers - Around 80% of the cases we get turn out to be false” https://www.thehindu.com
/news/cities/Delhi/mahila-thana-an-asset-or-mere-tokenism/article6266925.ece - Misuse of dowry provisions is legal terrorism: Court https://timesofindia. indiatimes.
com/city/delhi/Misuse-of-dowry-provisions-is-legal-terrorismCourt/articleshowprint/7615680.cms - Anti-dowry regulations in India: License for legal terrorism! http://saudigazette.
com.sa/article/171348/Anti-dowry-regulations-in-India-License-for-legal-terrorism! - False dowry charge ground for divorce, Supreme Court rules https://timesofindia.
indiatimes.com/india/False-dowry-charge-ground-for-divorce-Supreme-Courtrules/articleshow/45253503.cms - No automatic arrests in dowry cases, says SC https://www.thehindu.com/news
/national/No-automatic-arrests-in-dowry-cases-says-SC/article11250627.ece - Breaking; No Automatic Arrest in 498-A Cases, SC Issues Strict guidelines to
Police and Magistrates, Non Compliance will Attract Disciplinary & Contempt0. - Proceedings [Read the Judgment] https://www.livelaw.in/automatic-arrest-498-casessc-issues-strict-guidelines-police-magistrates-non-compliance-will-attract-disciplinarycontempt-proceedings/
- Women’s panel gets cases from male victims https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com
- /city/ranchi/womens-panel-gets-cases-from-malevictims/articleshowprint/67210770.cms
- बायको-मुलांच्या देखभालीसाठी नवयाने भीक मागावी, उधारी घ्यावी किंवा चोरी करावी – उच्च
न्यायालय https://www.loksatta.com/desh-videsh-news/husbands-duty-is-to-maintainhis-wife-child-he-may-beg-borrow-or-steal-1788141/ - The price of marriage and divorce https://www.sbs.com.au/yourlanguage/punjabi/en
/article/2018/11/30/price-marriage-and-divorce - Victims of Legal Terrorism http://www.498a.org/victimStories.htm
- Dowry: what the data says and what it doesn’t https://www.thehindu.com/opinion
/blogs/blog-datadelve/article6186330.ece - Adultery no longer a criminal offence as SC scraps Section 497 of IPC https://www.
thehindu.com/news/national/adultery-not-a-criminal-offence-as-sc-strikes-downsection-497-of-ipc/article25055245.ece - Delhi Court Refuses To Book Woman For Filing False Rape Case https://www.ndtv.com
/delhi-news/delhi-court-refuses-to-book-woman-for-filing-false-rape-case-173962 - खुलासाः घर लौटा फौजी पति तो पनी मिली प्रेग्नेंट, ऐसे खत्म की जिंदगी https://aajtak.
intoday.in/crime/story/husband-killed-pregnant-wife-doubt-her-character-commitssuicide-chhattisgarh-1-948141.html
